Naughty Forty

On Wednesday the 27th of March, I hit the big four zero.

Only a week before, I'd driven home through Headingley, closeted in my refined Germanic bubble of leather and walnut veneer. With misty eyes I smiled at the fancy dress wearing students, heading out for a night of Jägerbomb and M-Cat fuelled thrusting and merriment. Bless them. I was young too. Once.

Twenty years, gone in a flash. My ponytail, Danny Rampling tape, and king sized Rizla replaced by a Whangee umbrella, Borsalino fedora and Mulberry briefcase.

And then, I got all WH Auden and the grey clouds moved in:

"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Forty. Blumming Forty. I was supposed to be retired and living in the South of France by now. When I grow a beard it looks like a badger is humping my face. How on earth did this happen? What's next? Have an affair, buy a Porsche and get my nipples pierced?

Get a grip Michelsberg. And so I did. I turned off the Blackberry, went 'off grid' and headed down to my spiritual home in Croyde Bay, North Devon. There with family and friends, I spent a wonderful week of surfing, eating ribs, drinking Thatcher's Gold and rejoiced in the cards that life has dealt me.

Yesterday was my first day back at work and it ended with a dose of retail therapy at my neighbours Jeffery West. Here I am with Charli, flaunting my new pair of Rosewood Calf Brogue Gibson's.



I returned home with a spring in my step, my 'new wheels' the perfect excuse to get busy with the utterly awesome birthday present from my brother Edward. Introducing, "La Cordonnerie Anglaise Intendant Valet Box."



La Cordonnerie Anglaise (which means the English Shoemaker) are a French company responsible for producing some of the finest and most luxurious shoe care products in the world.

One thing I have to say about Edward is that he knows his stuff. Whether it's cigars, fine wine, or, coffee machines, the "OCD Geek" gene that festers within his chubby little body, ensures that anything he pens his name to, is usually the best.

This fella is finished in rosewood coloured beech wood and contains the finest brushes, lanoline cream, beeswax polish and mink oil that Aussie Dollars can buy. Cheers bruva - I love you really :-)

For those of you interested in looking after your shoes, click on this blog I did earlier.

Yes, as I sit here at home in my study, a pile of my daughters Easter eggs to my left and a malt whisky to my right, life at forty feels pretty god damn good.

The road ahead will no doubt have its twists and turns. Maybe one day, it will end up on the Côte d'Azur? One thing I can be sure of is that every step of the way will be done so in immaculately presented footwear.

Joyeuses Pâques!

The Church of Good Taste

What's the deal with blokes who insist on getting their kit off in the City centre?



I crossed paths with this chap yesterday morning, his nipple rings flashing at me in the glorious sunshine. Brave as ever, my grip tightened on the handle of my Whangee Umbrella as I prepared to defend myself against this unsavoury character.

Luckily, he had no designs on my wallet, nor waistcoat, the latter which I would have gladly provided in a bid get some of that pasty skin off the streets.

One place you can rest assured of no superfluous papillae is the calm, genteel, wood panelled sanctum of English shoe making that is Church's store in the Victoria Quarter, Leeds.

It's just a soda-syphon and secret handshake short of a gentleman's club and here are Paul and Patrick who are it's guardians.



I am of the firm opinion that every man should have at least one pair of Church's in his wardrobe. I've currently got my beady eyes on the pair on the left in the photo below.

Perfect with a pair of straight-leg jeans, open neck shirt, charity bracelet and a glass of Champers, for 'dancing' the night away in Mahiki with Wills and Kate. Yah?



The chaps at Church's are lovely guys, incredibly helpful and very knowledgeable about the craftsmanship that goes into making a pair of Northampton's finest. They truly understand the importance of customer service and that is something to be applauded.

Patrick has even treated me to some of his personal stash of shoe polish and is one of the few people on Earth who can actually out-talk me. On my last visit he was kind enough to provide me with a guide on How To Look After You Shoes which includes "Grandma's shoe polish recipe" and how to get rid of shoe odor.

I've also set up a discussion about shoes on our Facebook Page and would love to get your comments on other makers and your favourite styles.

As the humidity and heat ramp up as we move through August, it can be a tough time for men when it comes to dressing correctly. The danger of short-sleeve shirts, cargo shorts and exhibitionists flashing their nipples at all and sundry is never far away.

Shoes are also potentially dangerous ground. Most men's feet are an abomination and Prada sandals can be the kiss of death to an unruly toe-nail. Getting it right isn't easy. Boat shoes - a bit rah? Crocks - god no. Which, I suppose leaves loafers.

I like the suede pair of Church's below. I can just see them dismounting a dusty Vespa Scooter and settling down for an espresso and grappa in a shady cafe in Tuscany.



Or there are these babies from Jefferey West, which you might find tucked under a kingsize day-bed in Ibiza, awash with empty bottles of Grey Goose, Cristal and sleeping super-models.



I can't stress enough how important it is to wear quality footwear. It say's more about you than than any other accessory and is worth the investment in getting it right.

So here's wising you, your feet and yes, even your damn nipples, a thoroughly enjoyable Summer.